Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
