I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
