Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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