Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
