The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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