you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
