Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
