My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
