trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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