Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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