we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
50% drunk capacity currently
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
