Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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