found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
