This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
