someone threw a dead crab at me
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
