His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
