Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
