We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
