1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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