You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
