did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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