i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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