tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
