How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
