Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
