Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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