Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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