the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Still dying that you shit outside
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
