I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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