I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Drunk is a universal language darling
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
