My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
