i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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