literally had 100 drinks last night.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
