Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
