I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
