He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
