corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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