yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
