Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
