Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
