Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
