Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
