I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
