she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
