Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
