Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
