Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
