this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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