So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we're making bets on your personal life
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
