so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I look better un-naked...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
