She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
