cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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