Don't you send me to vm
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
