I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Randomize
